Why I'm Getting Counseling

Tonight I'm laying on the floor concentrating on breathing, concentrating on just hanging on, wondering if medicine is really working, and trying to recognize the things my brain is telling me as lies. I hope they won't seem so true in the morning.

So I'm putting the lies that my mind is telling me here in order to remind me that, in case I actually do feel better later, I still need to call the college's counselor and set up an appointment.

Goodness. It's not even October yet.

• “Nobody can fix you.”
• “You will never feel better”
• “You can’t trust anyone”
• “You have to do everything on your own.”
• “If you could make the house perfectly clean, and do all the laundry and wash all the dishes, you might be okay.”
• “You can’t do anything completely or right because you’re like this.”
• “You’re crazy. You’re going a little crazy.”
• “People talk badly about you behind your back.”
• “Your friends are frustrated with you.”
• “No one will ever love you how you want to be loved.”
• “Your brain is messed up, and it’s never going to get better.”
• “You’ll never be normal. You’ll never be fully functional.”
• “You can’t handle this. You can’t handle life.”
• “No one can deal with how needy you are.”
• “Who could love someone who can’t even pull herself together enough to get off the floor right now?”
• “Nothing is going to fix this. Nothing will make you feel better.”
• “There’s no one who can help you.”
• “People don’t like you.”
• “Go to bed. The only thing you can do is go to bed.”