Moving On

Well, friends, the end, I believe, has come.

Thank you for your thoughtful, varied, honest, insightful, and passionate debate in the comments section of my last post. It received the most comments of anything I've written, and the credit, I believe, goes to Ryan, for starting it all! I don't think you knew what you were getting into, did you? :) Thank you for your open mind and continued comments.

I've enjoyed the discussion because it brought together people and ideas from many corners of my life, and indeed of the world, both physical and intellectual. It's weird to be the conduit for connections between a high school friend and my college professor, a co-worker and my sibling, my best friend of today and my best friend of ten years ago. Weird, but good.

I tend to be a very concentrated thinker in the sense that I focus on one aspect or outcome of an idea and have difficulty seeing the largeness of an issue. Instead of seeing the potential implications of legalizing gay marriage for the world and for future generations, I see the implications for my gay friends today. Instead of questioning why the existence of humanity has meaning in a universe created by evolution, I focus on what gives my life meaning, and how I can bring meaning to the people I'm with. Maybe it is ignorance, or immaturity, or laziness, or just plain simple-mindedness, but sometimes I miss the forest for the trees. And that is why I'm grateful to each of you who has read and commented here. You are asking big questions and helping me to think about big answers. I hope I never stop being surrounded, physically and virtually, by people whose thinking is wide and deep, as yours is.

I have felt like this discussion was important enough to leave at the front of my blog, so I haven't posted since it began. But, selfishly, I have missed posting pictures of my vacation at the beach, or my family's beautiful thanksgiving dinner. I have missed reviewing a new record I got that I am in love with, and writing about two books that made me feel so alive inside I thought my heart was going to actually climb out through my ribcage and fly away. I am reclaiming my blog now. You may continue to comment on the Post of Great Contention, or you may let it quietly rest. Either is fine with me.

Several days ago a friend e-mailed to ask me if I felt my blog has gotten out of my control. I have not responded to him because I am still thinking about it. Controlling my blog never crossed my mind. While I certainly have issues with control (as do we all), mine manifest themselves in control of myself. I never felt a need to control my blog.

I think some of the hurtful or offensive things that were said in some comments were less violent to me because I was seeing them through the filter of my relationship with the person writing them. Of all of us involved here in the past few weeks, I am likely the only one who has a personal relationship and affection with all of the participants. I never felt offended (mildly irritated with the name-calling, but not offended) because I read these words with a history attached. I know that Kevin says things in order to shock people and make them think. In high school he told me that one day I would go crazy and murder my family, a la the Menendez brothers! I have never forgotten it, and as a result, I try very hard not to ever go crazy or murder anyone. (Srzly.) For some time now Israel and I have jokingly called each other mean names and those are some of my favorite times because they are full of laughter and affection. I know that Dustin is a very skilled and celebrated debate champion and in fact judges state debate competitions. He probably could have "won" the argument and made everyone cry in the process (a thing he really enjoys), but instead tried very hard to see things through others' eyes, from a worldview which is completely foreign to his own. I lived much of my life with a faith similar to Emily(s) and Ryan's, and I know that sometimes you just have to believe something that you don't necessarily understand, even if it looks silly to other people when you do so, because the truth is that it just works for you. So when Kevin sounds hateful and bullying, or Israel calls someone a "fundamentalist," or Dustin throws fistfuls of facts and spews crafty rhetoric, or Emily and Ryan cry "faith!" I see where they're coming from. I am not offended or hurt; I do not think they are stupid or weak.

I have come away from this discussion thankful that we are communicating and glad that we have come together. Some readers have thrown up their hands in frustration and turned away, and others have gotten angry or felt hurt. I hope if that is the case for you, that is not how you will leave the debate. I hope you will see the humanity in this page, and the good there. Perhaps this is my telescope-view again, but I am less concerned with changing minds or even laws, and more concerned with each of us finding humanity, goodness, tolerance, and love--from others, and also within ourselves.