stuck.

this weekend my friend israel came to visit from arkansas.  i drove to kansas city to get him on friday.  we had not seen each other for about three months which is the longest i have gone without seeing him in over a year.  it was a little bit like spring.  in spring you realize you'd forgotten how nice it is to see everything green and growing and alive again.  even though winter was all right, you are damn glad to see crocuses.

today we drove back to kansas city so israel could meet his roommate and drive back to arkansas.  they were leaving at the same time i was so i was going to follow them out to the highway.  we both turned the keys in our ignitions and neither of our cars started.  josh (israel's roommate) eventually got his going.  mine is still dead.  i am stuck in kansas city.

i have not slept or eaten well lately and i think these things are contributing to the fact that i am not taking being stranded very well.  i called triple a and there are no garages open today close by, so i will be here at least until tomorrow.  tomorrow i will have to call them again and they will send a tow truck and i will cross my fingers that 1) a garage can take me in and 2) the problem is easy and quick and cheap to fix.  i think my starter has gone bad but that is just my poorly educated guess--i am the girl who did not even know how to use jumper cables when we tried to get it started.

i just put license plates on my car this morning.  maybe it was bad luck.

also, the last time we filled up with gas on the way here, i forgot to get my credit card back from israel.  i'm not sure how to use my debit card and i don't know if i have enough money in my bank account to get my car fixed tomorrow.  when i found out that on top of everything i do not have my credit card i felt like i was going to have an anxiety attack right here and now.

fortunately i could not have been stranded in a better place (other than maybe my own driveway).  i was outside israel's roommate josh's family's house.  they are incredibly kind and hospitable.  they let me shower, and nap on their couch, and they fed me supper.  they let me use their internet, which i am very thankful for because i am going to sleep here among strangers tonight in the clothes that i have worn and slept in for three days and the internet allows me to feel a sense of normalcy and connection to things i know.  i have not met nicer people in some time and i am very comfortable, which is why it's weird that i feel like i am going to throw up.

the mom of the family i am staying with said that if i wanted she could take me to a rental car place and i could rent a car and go home, and then she would get my car to the shop and i could come back and get it in a couple of days.  i liked that option.  she gave me some time to talk with israel and decide what i would do.  i just wanted to go home, hell or high water, no matter how much it cost or how crazy it was to do all that extra driving.  israel placed his hands on my shoulders and squeezed me and helped me to breathe.  he told me a story.  he told me about the time that he was hitch-hiking back to lincoln from denver and he got stranded.  he could not get a ride and he called me.  he was lying under a bridge by a creek and his world was crazy and he couldn't breathe either.  i told him to ask five more people for rides and i would work on finding him some help.  he was afraid and did not want to ask five more strangers for rides.  he was tired and did not feel like being brave.  but he did what i said.  he did his part of the bargain while i called around and asked the family of one of my friends to come get him and take him in over night.  he did not get a ride but he went with my friend's parents who helped him catch a train home.  today i was in a similar (but decidedly less terrifying) predicament, only israel was in front of me instead of on the phone.  his story helped me to be brave and stay with hospitable strangers even though i am nauseated to death.

i want very much to get home, but i know i will be okay.  i think i will hopefully be home at this time tomorrow.