Suckered By Claire From Down Under

Tonight I went Christmas shopping. Christmas shopping is hard to do when you're nearly broke.

On my way out of the mall, this cute, friendly lady offered me some hand lotion at one of those kiosk dealies in the middle of the aisle. I smiled, thanked her, and let her give me some lotion, thinking that'd be the end of it.

Wrong.

Said cute lady had an Australian accent. When she started talking to me about her lotion and nail products, I was mesmerized. I love accents. I was sure that there was no way that she would ever convince me (hello, farmgirl), so why not listen to her a little while longer? She drew me over. She took my hand, and did something amazing to my right thumb nail. 20 seconds later, it was all shiny and gleaming and beautiful. It had been buffed and polished and cuticle-oiled and the lotion was delightful... And there was that addictive accent.

I got suckered.

Each product, the buffer thing, the lotion, and the cuticle oil, cost $20 each. Evidently they're made in Israel from actual dead sea salts with no extra blah blah blah. Anything else is an imitation, New Friend Claire told me. In fact, the lotion had totally taken away the dark sun spots she'd had on her face, said Claire. She'd come all the way from Australia just to promote this product, because she loved it so much, raved Claire.

And tonight, she told my friend and I, they were having a special. We could purchase a kit of all three products (plus a free nail file!) for a mere $40. (Ha! said I. You'll never get me to part with that much for my nails!) I politely declined. Claire's voice dropped to a whisper. I'm not supposed to tell you this, said she. But were a lady to buy one of our kits, tonight only, we are giving away another kit free, once she has already made her purchase. Shhh, do not tell anyone, said Claire. What that meant, she explained, was that my friend and I could split the cost and each have a kit. I looked to Jen to decline and thus save me. She obliged. But then, I found out the difference between myself and a true, shop-savvy female.

Jen bargained.

You couldn't just let her have it for the $20? Jen asked sweetly. Drat.

Claire looked around furtively. Just this once. You must promise not to tell a soul. I'm practically giving this away to you; I can't do this for just anyone, you know.

Darn my love of foreigners. And my self-conciousness over my not-girlie, yucky-looking nails. And my inability to say no to a nice person.

Yes, I got suckered. Twenty bucks that I didn't have later, I have shiny nails. Whoop-de-frickin'-do.

And stamped on the receipt in bold ink: "NO REFUNDS."