To the Doubters

Something that I really love about God right now is how he validates my existence and my calling. I haven't always felt called by God, but right now, I do. I believe that I'm doing what I'm doing because that's where he wants me. He told me so. That's enough for me.

I've had to fight a long time to trust that validation from God. It's easy enough to quote the songs and verses--"In your weakness, He is stronger"--"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"--I can even say that verse in French. But for most of my life, I haven't felt those things to really, truly be true in my life.

I do now. God told me. That doesn't happen for me. Prophecy isn't my spiritual gift. But this time, he did, and so clearly that it finally sunk in. This time, I believe. I believe that he called me to the ministry that I am a part of, and I believe that however inadequate I am, he is equipping me to be more than adequate through my faith in him. It's a non issue.

And now that I've conquered this one, a new struggle comes along. (Why does that have to keep happening anyway!?) Satan's figured that since he's having a bit of a rough time using myself against me, he'll use others.

Because now that I've figured out God's validation of my calling, I'm noticing other people invalidating it. The faith that I finally have in myself through God's grace is being eroded by others' subtly revealing their doubts about my abilities. What the dirty!? I'd always figured that I was my own biggest enemy. That I was my own biggest critic. And now that we've got that a lot more under control, I'm discovering that there are doubters out there. But not only are they doubting me, they are doubting God and his ability to do great things through me.

So this is to the doubters (and Satan too):

You lose. I choose God. I finally believe that He sent me, called me, and is using me for His glory. I can do this. He told me so. It really doesn't matter whether or not you believe that I'm chosen by Him. I am. Got that? HE chose ME. I'm not the second choice. I'm not doing what I'm doing because he couldn't get someone better. For all we know, this is the very thing that He created me to do. You're right that I'm broken. So are you. We all are. I've only got one thing going for me, and that's Jesus. But He's kinda got that God thing going for Him, and I'm pretty sure that trumps whatever y'all throw at me. So here's the deal. I'm going to try my best to keep my mouth shut and my eyes open and looking up. He is not gonna give me anything that we can't handle together. I'm not questioning anymore. From here on out, when it comes to this calling, my only question is "Is that You, Lord? What are you asking me to do next?"

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name." --John 15:16